In February 2008 my husband was diagnosed with a life-threatening brain tumor. For months he had repeatedly complained of severe headache, blurred vision and constant fatigue. He complained of unexplained blackouts. He was a committed worker with his family. He was very outgoing and very involved in school our kids' education. Despite my pleas to go visit a doctor, he refused to go to feel the symptoms will disappear on their own.
One morning he was obscuredwhile driving a small car accident caused no injuries reported. The police officer, based in response to the scene of the accident on his observations, it was going for my husband not sure. The policeman told me the circumstances and recommended that my husband will be examined by a doctor.
I immediately took my husband to the emergency room. A few hours later, after numerous tests, the neurologist said there was a large brain tumor on theright side of his brain. The brain needs to tumor would be removed, or later, the brain tumor to kill him.
This was the scariest situation I have ever dealt in my life. I was scared for my husband, not knowing what would be the final outcome of the operation. I had to be strong for my kids, so I kept myself together during the worst. The surgery successfully removed the brain tumor, which was determined to be benign, but the damage to the optic nerve was hard. Aftersurgery, he was diagnosed with complete vision loss in the right eye and minimal vision in the left eye. He was declared legally blind. His neurologist referred him to the Center for the Visually Impaired in Atlanta where they have a excellent Low Vision Clinic.
The whole recuperation process was extremely trying and hurtful. Right after surgery, my husband couldn't remember the events leading up to the surgery. He was verbally abusive, aggressive and violent towards everyone especially me. His care providers had to physically restrain him and keep him sedated because he was trying to remove the tubes attached to his body. I was deeply hurt by his verbal attacks but his nurses explained that it was common type of behavior after brain surgery. At that time I was working full time and our children were attending school, I was desperately trying to keep the normal routine for the children and then driving out to the hospital nightly. He had a sitter with him constantly Which his character a little help. He was very calm and collected as almost child until I refused to remove the restrictions or to let him leave the hospital, he was verbally abusive and threatening asked me to leave, to allow him to calm down, too.
Four weeks later he was discharged from the hospital in my care. He was glad to be home with the family, but eventually subsided, the happiness and it was immediately replaced with anger and resentment. He felt abandoned by hisfriends and his family members who didn't bother to visit him or call him periodically to check up on his health. He experienced short term memory loss, anger, extreme mood changes, personality changes, inability to follow verbal instructions and difficulty adjusting to his situation. He has difficulty understanding conversations and we have to constantly keep repeating things over and over again for him to understand. He was in complete denial about his condition. He refused to believe his State is not changed by surgery, although the doctors to undo a final determination that his condition could be reversed or operations.
I tried to emphasize that he was paralyzed during surgery may die, or so many other things could have happened to him. I tried to convince him that he was grateful to be, he was still alive are required to be here with his children. He was annoyed at the fact that the fulfillment of life he knew before the brain tumor had disappeared. He wasmiserable because he couldn't do anything for himself. He'd get terribly upset one minute about not being able to see our children's faces and then the next minute he was angry and resented the world for his condition. He wanted everyone to feel sorry for him and cater to his every need instead of him standing up on his own and helping himself become independent and self-sufficient.
It's been well over a year and a half since the surgery. The huge scar on the top of his head has healed and honest things have not changed for my husband. I have tried to be patient, as well as our children continue to be patient while dealing with my husband, but his attitude and temperament. My husband is frustrated, angry, self-centered, demanding and stationary. His only support system has me and our children, but his extreme mood swings have pushed me further from him. Our children help him, where they can, but I do not have the time nor the patience to tend to his every needat the expense of our children. He does not act more like my husband, but seems like another child in the family, the spirited, if not given what he wants when he wants. He is currently in counseling, but the advice did not seem to help him with the reality of his condition.
Its sustained relationship with our children is because he is no longer able to parent our children as he once could. He is frustrated too easily and can not with the pressureraising three children so close in age. The children constantly take advantage of this situation whenever they can because they know their daddy doesn't have the patience to deal with them and he will allow them greater freedom than I will.
He is living in denial about his condition. I pray someday very soon he will accept his condition and eventually start trying to rebuild his self confidence and self-esteem so he can become more independent and live a healthier and happier life.
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